School Year Memories

I have a senior in high school this year -- my granddaughter who is so much like a daughter to me that I forget sometimes that while she's almost always lived with us, she really is my daughter's girl. She's come so far in her life's journey. Some people at Church remember how she clung to the back of my skirt and wouldn't look at or speak to anyone. Now she can stand in sacrament meetings and bear testimonies that touch hearts or give a talk that leaves you in awe of her insight. I am so grateful that she is coming into her own even as she struggles with exactly who she is and who she wants to be; the choices she is making in the end are good ones.

I wish I knew how to post pictures because I'd put in the 'clock' portraits from kindergarten through junior year. It's hard to believe there's only one more portrait to go in the center spot. Through all those years, I have laughed with her, had fun with her, cried with her, encouraged her, and prayed always for her. Although she has been a joy she has also been a challenge.

When I married my current husband, I hadn't planned on raising any more children. It was difficult to go through that first year of marriage and all that an outside struggle entailed and wind up with an almost two-year-old assigned to us on what we were told would be a permanent basis -- after only three months of marriage. She has told us over and over again how grateful she is that she has a stable home with two parent/grandparents who have always been there for her and available to talk with her. She and I have talked about whatever she needs a discussion on. In all my growing years, I wished I had a parent I could go to and talk with as she has been able to do with me. I had two parents, yet somehow I never felt I could talk with them about the things I needed a sounding board for and the things I needed counsel about and someone I could count on for guidance or simply a listening ear and understanding heart. Sadly, those things were not there for me.

What I remember most about my own school years is a sense of lostness. Early on I learned to do my best in order to gain approval from Mom and Dad. When that didn't work very well, I learned to be perfect but that didn't often get the response I needed and often simply gave up rather than trying. I learned soon that school was a place I could excel and get recognition for it, therefore, I loved school because it wasn't home. By the time I was in high school, I never mentioned open houses or parent/teacher conference dates because Dad never went and Mom embarrassed me tremendously at her self-effacing behaviors when it was supposed to be 'my' day.

Now, in all fairness, I have to say that Mom was a room mother when my older brother was in first grade and went on all the field trips and baked treats for in-school parties. She took me along to all the activities because she didn't believe in babysitters. So I got a good look at school long before it was my turn. When my brother was in third or fourth grade, both Mom and Dad were on the committee for the fall carnival. Dad was instrumental in designing a fun house. I guess I had the idea things would be like this for me when I started school. Things had changed by then.

Very unlike C and I. I love to attend the conferences with her and meet her teachers. They usually tell me there is nothing bad to report and in fact if they had more willing students who worked as hard they would have superb classes indeed. Generally I have liked her teachers; as in all jobs there are those who do well and those who truly excel. The best are the ones who get their students' interest and maintain it. Well, that works for students like C. There are some pupils these days who don't care one way or another, if at all.

We've gotten through the 18th birthday. And the first parent/teacher conference. Homecoming is this weekend. Then there is JROTC commissioning ceremony and potluck. Then there's the ACT test. Though the school took senior yearbook pictures, C wants the full package of senior portraits at a studio. There will be SAT testing. College applications and visits and college fairs and financial forms and applications. JROTC portraits. Prom. Military Ball. Graduation. Open house. Not to mention weekly Church, FHEs, seminary, mutual, institute, activities ... to further make all of us feel major senioritis. We do it all... for the greater good...

I do it all because of what I've written before and because the depth of what I feel because C came to live with us. Her presence directly in my life has made me a far better person than I would have been without her -- here. I have had to stretch in order to meet her needs. To learn self-control and self-discipline in ways I never imagined in order to listen... and listen... and listen some more. I think of the hard work it has taken to get her through some horrific homework assignments and some teachers who presented a challenge beyond belief. Because of my upbringing, these things have challenged me beyond any ability I thought I had and in meeting the challenge I have grown from the inside out and become a stronger parent than I was in raising my own two children. And a better person. Not perfect... just better.

Thank you HF, for letting me be a part of Cs life. And to C for allowing me the privilege of being your confidant in the things that matter. I love you. Forever and always.